Sobriety and abstinence

Sober in Toronto (Better Than in San Fran)

by Bill Brenner October 26, 2010 Addiction

The #SecTorCa security conference finds me surrounded by more booze than I confronted at the RSA conference back in March. But I think I’m learning how to be sober at these events. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB6a2jYfxNs&fs=1&hl=en_US] A little history: A little over two years ago I gave up flower and sugar and started weighing almost all of my food as part of my 12-Step program of recovery from a binge-eating addiction. But I clung to the…  [Read More]

Out of the Closet, Into the Light

by Bill Brenner October 23, 2010 Addiction

My kid sister-in-law told me a friend of hers has admitted to some hefty demons. I won’t mention the person’s name (I don’t know her, actually), but I know where she’s been. Mood music: [spotify:track:5F6rwEF15hN1jnhNk2YQHn] This is a little message for her friend, in the event she someday stumbles upon this blog: Outing yourself is a hard thing to do. When I did it, I was terrified at first because I thought my mental struggles…  [Read More]

Cut the Drama, Rage Boy

by Bill Brenner October 19, 2010 Addiction

My old friend Clarence liked the post I wrote about him awhile back and jokingly asked me to write another one. OK, buddy, but you’re not gonna like this one. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72rWAe0pUdQ&fs=1&hl=en_US] Note: I’m keeping your true identity out of this, so your anonymity is preserved. I meant everything I said in that post. In fact, I cherish your friendship a lot more than I did even then. But you have a special challenge…  [Read More]

Broken Souls, Emotional Breakdowns

by Bill Brenner October 19, 2010 Fear and anxiety

I’ve been in a strange place lately. I’m fine and all, but I’ve been around a lot of broken people, and that has an impact on you after awhile. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3px0m1Y9Tuc&fs=1&hl=en_US] I can’t get into the stuff that has brought these friends to the brink, but I can say there’s been a lot of crying. Given my own trouble with tears, it’s rather funny that I’d be in this position. But I’ll do anything…  [Read More]

The Sponsor’s Lament

by Bill Brenner October 5, 2010 Addiction

I’ve gone from sponsoring four people in my OA 12-Step program to two, and one of them only e-mails once in awhile. I’m perfectly fine with that. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9jX1KAKp78&fs=1&hl=en_US] I was a reluctant sponsor in the first place. I can barely take care of myself, after all.  Some days, it takes every ounce of my strength to keep from sliding off the wagon. But people in program came to me for help. I couldn’t…  [Read More]

Two Years Clean

by Bill Brenner September 27, 2010 Addiction

Two years ago yesterday, I went on my last binge. Actually, it was more like reaching the end of a final, two-month long binge. The abstinent and sober life hasn’t been perfect by any stretch. But it beats the hell out of where I was at the start. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pdQ3z1Ji8U&fs=1&hl=en_US] Appropriately, I’m leading an OA meeting tonight, which means telling my story in 15-20 minutes without notes. Here’s some of what I’ll have to…  [Read More]

A Pastor Moves On

by Bill Brenner September 26, 2010 Addiction

Dennis Nason, pastor of All Saints Parish, steps down Oct. 1. He’s struggling with cancer and decided to step aside so the parish can move on. He’s earned a tribute here. He made a believer out of me by coming clean about his own sins. We have it in our heads that priests are supposed to be perfect and sinless. That’s why the sex scandal hit people so hard. We were taught to trust priests…  [Read More]

Happily Ever After Is Bullshit & That’s OK

by Bill Brenner September 21, 2010 Addiction

Often, when depression slaps me upside the head, it’s on the heels of a prolonged period of good feelings and positive energy. Especially this time of year, when the daylight recedes early and returns late. These setbacks can be discouraging, but you can survive them with the right perspective. Mood music: It’s easy for people who fight mental illness and addictive behavior to go on an endless, futile search for the happily ever after, where…  [Read More]

Mental Hangover

by Bill Brenner September 17, 2010 Depression

This morning I wrote about the one-two punch I got yesterday from the good and evil sides of OCD. Right now I’m experiencing a hangover as a result. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Iho1V–8G4&fs=1&hl=en_US] This hangover has nothing to do with binging or drinking. I did neither, though I did think seriously about it. I lingered in the wine section of the grocery store for a few minutes, wondering if I should buy a couple of those little…  [Read More]

Sept. 11, 2001

by Bill Brenner September 10, 2010 Depression

Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing on Sept. 11, 2001. Here’s my own account. Mood music: I was assistant New Hampshire editor at The Eagle-Tribune and I arrived in the newsroom at 4:30 a.m. as usual. I was already in a depressed mood. It wasn’t a sense of dread over something bad about to happen. It was simply my state of mind at the time. I wasn’t liking myself and was…  [Read More]

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