Sobriety and abstinence

Friends Who Help You Heal, Part 2

by Bill Brenner July 30, 2010 Addiction

For a lot of years, I didn’t have many friends. It’s not that people didn’t like me. It’s just that I chose to isolate from the rest of the world for a long time. People with mental illness and addiction do that sort of thing. Mood music: “Damn Good” by David Lee Roth: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mIP7ySBXBg&hl=en_US&fs=1] I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately, because these days I seem to be spreading myself thin making plans with…  [Read More]

A Good Day

by Bill Brenner July 27, 2010 Gratitude

These are the ingredients of a good day: –Getting up at 4 and writing in this blog with a strong cup of coffee on the table beside me and Korn in the headphones. –Seeing the sun rise from my living room chair at 5:30. –Talking to my OA sponsor at 6:15. –Talking to one of fellows I sponsor in OA at 7:30. –Having an abstinent breakfast with the family and helping Erin get the kids…  [Read More]

Hung Over and Junk Sick

by Bill Brenner July 26, 2010 Addiction

When you have a binge-eating addiction, the feeling you get before, during and after is a lot like being drunk and stoned. “What’s my drug of choice? Well, what have you got?” Layne Staley, Alice in Chains Junkies have a feeling they get before binging: Their brain is stuck on having whatever  gets them off. Alcohol. Heroin. Blow. For me, it used to be food. I’m free of the aftermath, but the demon still taunts…  [Read More]

Lessons of a Thirty-something

by Bill Brenner July 20, 2010 Addiction

The author is reflecting a lot on things that happened in his 30s. Mood music: “Lunchbox” by Marylin Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5Fo57AXW3w&hl=en_US&fs=1] Since my 40th birthday is next month, I’m thinking a lot about the last decade. In many ways, I’m not the same guy I was when I was staring at my 30th birthday. This has been a decade of healing, with a lot of broken scabs along the way. At the start of my 30s,…  [Read More]

The Perils of Service, Part 2

by Bill Brenner July 18, 2010 Addiction

Volunteering can be a bitch, especially when you forget who you’re there to help. Mood music for this post: “My Way” by Limp Bizkit: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQ8Qi86i82s&hl=en_US&fs=1] Once a month, I spend a couple hours on a Saturday volunteering in the food pantry run by our church. It can be a frustrating endeavor. Part of the frustration is my own fault. I should be there more often, but I’m only there once a month because I’m spread…  [Read More]

Anatomy of a Binge

by Bill Brenner July 17, 2010 Addiction

If you do these things, you might have a binge eating problem. Mood Music:  6 a.m.: Wake up, pour coffee. Resolve to live on nothing but coffee and cigarettes for the day. 8 a.m.: Fuck it. You’re hungry. Eat something healthy for breakfast. A bagel and cream cheese will do. Serving size, one 12-ounce container of cream cheese. Add swiss cheese. 8:15 a.m.: Smoke another cigarette and decide that’s all the food you’re going to…  [Read More]

One Happy Head Case

by Bill Brenner July 14, 2010 Gratitude

The author on how to be happy despite yourself. Or, at least, how he attempts it. Mood music for this post: “In My Life” by Ozzy (covering The Beatles): [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByB7Id67v3c&hl=en_US&fs=1] When anyone writes about their journey from addiction and mental illness to recovery, it’s easy to focus on the darker things. But the truth is, I’m a pretty happy head case. I may be financially strapped and tired, but my head is in a better…  [Read More]

Fear of Fat People

by Bill Brenner July 14, 2010 Addiction

What do you tell someone who says they’re afraid of fat people because they might “catch the disease” if they get too close? Read on and discuss. Mood music for this post: “Afraid” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU-rtOouPOA&hl=en_US&fs=1] Someone in program told me that she’s afraid of fat people. Being in the same room with obesity fills her with terror. She’s worried that if she shakes a fat person’s hand, she’ll “catch the disease.” I couldn’t…  [Read More]

Coping With Tired: Tools of a Reformed Addict and OCD Case

by Bill Brenner July 13, 2010 Coping tools

Several writings about how the author copes with exhaustion. Mood music for this post: “I’m So Tired,” from The Beatles White Album: Someone who saw my “songs to play when tired” post asked what I do about being tied besides music and coffee. People with addictions and mental disorders are often tired — even when in recovery. These writings cover how I keep exhaustion at bay: Rest Re-defined The author finds that he gets the…  [Read More]

You Can Learn a Lot from a Dummy

by Bill Brenner July 12, 2010 Family

Sometimes, addicts look and talk like dummies. But they can teach you some surprising things about yourself. Mood music for this post: “Dumb” by Nirvana: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CYC8w-qstc&hl=en_US&fs=1] When you first walk into a 12-Step meeting, everyone in the room seems strange. People may be off the food, drugs and alcohol, but their speech may still be slurred. You dismiss them as dummies, failing to see you’re the same as them. They can teach you more than…  [Read More]

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