Sobriety and abstinence

And Then There Were Three

by Bill Brenner July 7, 2010 Addiction

God has a warped way of giving you what you need. Case in point: He keeps sending me people to sponsor in my 12-Step recovery program. It’s as if He knows I’ve been walking a tightrope and need other addicts around to keep me in check.

Dirty Recovery

by Bill Brenner July 5, 2010 Addiction

The author on how his recovery enters a sort of Purgatory around summer holidays. Mood music for this post: “Locomotive” by Guns N Roses: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvYWyPKZ5G4&hl=en_US&fs=1] There’s a danger for a recovering addict around summer holidays like July 4th. It’s a rather obvious statement. But I’m feeling it from my own perch as a recovering binge eater. I’m in a place I’ll call dirty recovery. My abstinence is intact. I have not gone on a binge….  [Read More]

Things You Do When You’re a Sponsor

by Bill Brenner July 1, 2010 Addiction

The phone rings. It’s one of people I’m sponsoring in OA. Here’s the conversation that followed. Me: “So how you doing?” Sponsee: “Not so good. There’s a bag of potato chips in the house and I want them badly.” Me: “I see.” Sponsee: “I’m not sure what to do.” Me: “Get the bag of chips and do everything I say.” Sponsee: “OK.” Me: “Open the bag and stick it under the kitchen faucet.” Sponsee: “Uh,…  [Read More]

Careful How You Help Others

by Bill Brenner June 27, 2010 Coping tools

The author on the need for boundaries when helping people in need. Mood music for this post: “Ten Years Gone,” The Black Crows with Jimmy Page: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWovzhNH4TQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Being someone who has benefited greatly from the kindness of others, I’m forever trying to pay it forward. One way I do this is by sponsoring people in my 12-Step Program. But if you don’t handle this blade carefully, it will cut you deep. That’s what I’m learning,…  [Read More]

You Just Wouldn’t Understand (The Liar’s Disease II)

by Bill Brenner June 14, 2010 Addiction

Addicts lie because of the shame. But there’s another reason for all the sneaking around. Mood music for this post: John Lennon’s “Cold Turkey,” as covered by Cheap Trick: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e04OBJzbvc&hl=en_US&fs=1&] My boredom-induced brush with bad behavior Saturday night led to a conversation with Erin about the things I used to do when I was deep in the haze of my binge-eating addiction. She knows I lied a lot back then. I was a world-class sneak….  [Read More]

Boredom: An Addict’s Worst Friend

by Bill Brenner June 13, 2010 Addiction

Boredom is one of the most dangerous things an addict can encounter. Mood music for this post: “What’s It Gonna Take” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHk7h-xik-E&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Last night Erin was working, the kids were in bed and I had time on my hands. It wasn’t long before I started to feel bored. Not good for someone with an addictive personality. Boredom means the mind is free to start spinning. I feel uneasy and can’t settle on…  [Read More]

Writing to Save My Life

by Bill Brenner June 2, 2010 Addiction

The author on why he became a writer and how it shaped his recovery from mental illness and addiction. People often ask me how the hell I do so much writing every week, between the three-to-four pieces I do for my employer, CSO Magazine, this blog and a book I’m writing on the side. They also ask how I’m able to write so fast, especially during security conferences. At the Security B-Sides event in San…  [Read More]

The 12-Step Survival Guide of Life

by Bill Brenner June 1, 2010 Faith

For those who need a 12-Step Program, here are a few lessons from the author’s personal experiences. Mood music for this post: “Rise Above” by Black Flag: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Y4iUfktOo&hl=en_US&fs=1&] When you follow the 12 Steps of Recover as I do, you discover the little things in ways you never could before. Yesterday was another example. Erin, Sean, Duncan and I went deep-sea fishing with my parents and had a wonderful afternoon. One of my favorite places…  [Read More]

Just a Little Patience

by Bill Brenner May 26, 2010 Addiction

I recently stumbled upon this live version of GnR’s “Patience” and wanted to post it here because it’s always been an inspirational song to me. Being an OCD-wired control freak with a knack for impatience and  endless attempts at recovery before I finally pulled it off, patience was a virtue I simply did not possess. It would be a stretch to say I’ve mastered it at this point in my life, but I at least…  [Read More]

Pills Can’t Kill Pain at the Source

by Bill Brenner May 24, 2010 Addiction

The author has written much about his binge-eating addiction, but not so much about the pills — until now. Mood music for this post: “I Don’t Like the Drugs But the Drugs Like Me” by Marilyn Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EefPcht54c&hl=en_US&fs=1&] A fellow addict in OA recently asked me how pills fit into my overall haze before I found recovery. She asked because when sharing my story I mention how taking Prednisone as a kid for Crohn’s Disease…  [Read More]

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