Sobriety and abstinence

The Hole in Your Soul

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2011 Addiction

A lot of changes to my program of sobriety and abstinence are under way, and I feel like I’m running on nuclear power. Last night was my first Big Book Step Study meeting, which is quite different from the speaker-discussion meetings I’m used to. It only took me a few seconds to realize why I had to be there. Mood music: A lot of times when someone sobers up or stops binge eating, it’s a…  [Read More]

A Sober, Abstinent New Year’s Eve

by Bill Brenner January 1, 2011 Addiction

I used to revel in New Year’s Eve excess. I’d get blasted on vodka and “head-wreckers” in my Revere basement. I’d binge on Chinese food. I’d wake up promising God I’d never do that again, then I’d promptly break the promise. Last night I stayed sober and abstinent. The food was weighed out as usual. I drank coffee. The niece slept over. Erin introduced Sean to “Dr. Who.” Duncan read his cousin a bedtime story….  [Read More]

A Year in the Life

by Bill Brenner December 31, 2010 Addiction

This isn’t a post about New Years resolutions. I don’t need a holiday to make changes in my life. IT IS about lessons I’ve learned in an effort to make resolutions. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNUU8jHXLMg&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] There’s been plenty of unpleasant stuff this year. I’ve watched two marriages fall apart. We had a couple months where money was painfully tight. My recovery has never been easy. But that’s life. A big fistful of goodness slammed down on…  [Read More]

Binge, Pray, Whine

by Bill Brenner December 29, 2010 Addiction

I’ve never read the book “Eat, Pray, Love” and I haven’t seen the movie. I have nothing against it, it’s just that I have trouble with the “eat” part. Reading about that isn’t helpful to a recovering binge-eating addict. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cTJV3HK-Xs&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] My therapist actually brought up the book during one of our sessions. He wanted to know if I’d read it. I scowled at him and asked why the hell a guy like me…  [Read More]

From Confusion to Wisdom

by Bill Brenner December 26, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve crashed many times while blasting down the road of life. The car is in one piece now and I’ve learned to throttle back some. And when I hear the following words of wisdom, I KNOW it’s the truth: Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agn4y-M1rjA&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] ACCEPTANCE ?”Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill someone else.” – Matt Baldwin, Snow Rising (thanks, Cheryl Snapp Conner, for pointing this one out. “People are like stained glass…  [Read More]

Done Eating by 3 p.m., Christmas Day

by Bill Brenner December 26, 2010 Addiction

It was a good Christmas for me, for more than all the usual reasons. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eFiNud6fbU&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] There was the usual joy: Being around family, getting the chance to lie around much more than usual, watching the kids go Christmas crazy. Mass was good, with a homily that pointed out that Jesus was as human as they come during his 33 years of living as a mere mortal. He got scared, angry, enjoyed friendship, passed…  [Read More]

No Flour or Sugar for Life? How!?

by Bill Brenner December 21, 2010 Addiction

Some new readers came across my posts about eliminating flour and sugar as part of my recovery from a binge-eating addiction. The idea of eliminating these things for life is scary for some people. And who can blame them? It certainly scared the hell out of me once upon a time. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4g86KUHGlOg&fs=1&hl=en_US] Only after I kicked it did I realize how evil a combo those ingredients were to me. I envy people who can…  [Read More]

The Christmas Dispirit

by Bill Brenner December 14, 2010 Depression

Yesterday was a day for vicious mood swings. It started on a high note at work. I got a lot done and I’m loving this new newsy focus we’re transitioning to. But by the drive home, my mood grew as dark as the sky. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIaXYIEQivk&fs=1&hl=en_US] Things got progressively worse at home. Sean and Duncan were high maintenance and I let it get to me much more than I usually do. I started thinking…  [Read More]

Friends in Crisis

by Bill Brenner December 3, 2010 Communication Skills

I have a few friends who are in crisis these days, making my own struggles seem trivial. Talking to them is a lot like living in the Twilight Zone. I’m used to being self absorbed. Mood music: [spotify:track:7bv9wNXN3FHKMRTMdi48fL] I have to admit something: I’m not that good at being there for others. Lord knows I try, but I get so stuck in my own head sometimes that it’s hard to see what’s happening around me….  [Read More]

Sponsor Shopping

by Bill Brenner December 2, 2010 Addiction

The changes I need to make to take my recovery to the next level are well  underway. But an important piece of the puzzle might prove more challenging than I first thought. Mood music (I’m on a deep Smashing Pumkins kick this week): [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4gFpiRD2PI&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’m shopping around for a new sponsor. I need a male sponsor, and I need to change focus to a deeper study of the 12 Steps. Seems simple, right? Well, it’s…  [Read More]

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